Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Breaking News from the World of Swimming

A few days ago, I reported on the Lance-ification of swimming following the success of Michael Phelps. Well, the swimming world was rocked today by an announcement from Gary Fisher. Here is the press release in its entirety:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Gary Fisher Does It Again!

Long known as a pioneering figure in sport, Gary Fisher -- inventor of the mountain bike, in case you hadn't noticed -- announced today that he is also responsible for the latest athletic endeavor to take America by storm: Swimming.

"I was there when it started," Fisher said. "God created the heavens and the earth, and I said to Him, hey, Big Fella, that's going to work out great for this other thing I'm working on -- it's called a Mountain Bike (copyright Gary Fisher, year zero) -- but what say You add something, I don't know, more wet, maybe? So He made the seas and the oceans and the rivers and the streams, and I figured, yeah, I can work with that. I dove in, but the idea didn't hit me right away. I guess you could say I invented drowning too! (laughs) But then I did this sort of arm-flapping, leg-kicking thing, and there you go: Swimming."

Additional notebooks from the early years of Gary Fisher's prodigious career have recently come to light, revealing his pioneering work on the pneumatic tire, the cotton gin, walking upright, and fire.

What will this creative juggernaut come up with next? Only time will tell.

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