Of course, I didn't expect anyone to have an answer, so I had to frantically slap together this amazing prize package from the contents of my own stash:
I only had a six-month supply of Rice-a-Roni (and I'm saving that for the zombie apocalypse), so Scott will instead receive:
- A lightly-used pair of Tektro cantilever/centerpull brake cable hangers in Grant Peterson-unapproved black, which he can use to either re-live the 90s halcyon days of boutique cable hangers or put on a set of vintage silver Mafac centerpulls to annoy Jan Heine.
- An equally lightly used pair of Velox expanding rubber bar-end plugs, the only French component I've ever encountered that doesn't feature some bizarre non-standard dimension or reversed thread just for the sake of being contrary and annoying bike mechanics.
- A stylish "I (Heart) Des Moines" rubber bracelet, which I totally dare him to wear until ten (yes, ten) people ask him, "Uh, dude, what the heck?"
THE SUPER EXTRA BONUS GIFT, just for a) winning the contest with a musical entry, and b) admitting (off-blog) to being another member of the bass brotherhood: One autographed photo of yours truly, circa 1990, rockin' the bass guitar, a haircut somewhere between a Brian Bosworth flattop and a Mike Ditka mullet, what appears to be a sweater from the Fred Rogers collection, AND (look closely, you can just make it out) tight rolled jeans. Before the snark comes a'rollin' in, yes, I had a girlfriend at the time, and no, she was not from Canada.
Sorry, Scott, too late to withdraw your contest entry. This mind-blowing assortment of fabulosity is already on its way to you via the U.S. Postal Service. If that doesn't discourage people from taking me seriously when I invent these silly contests, I don't know what will.