Thursday, March 14, 2013

A Post About... Well, a Post

I try not to devolve into pure, uncut snark (some of my readers may not be of the generation known as "X" and thus can't take the straight stuff), but once I saw the Biker's Rest, I simply couldn't help myself.

So lemme get this straight... it's a hunk of pipe (with a hand and foot rest, mind you) to be installed on and/or near a roadway so that nonplussed hipster-bikers have a place to lean without putting their fashionable sneakers on the ground.

No offense meant to the designer, but I can come up with two even more elegant designs right off the top of my head that will accomplish the same purpose -- and said head has all the design sense of Comic Sans on a pixellated low-resolution photo.

One: If you really have to keep your fashionable sneakers off the ground, learn to trackstand. All the cool kids are doing it.

Two: Just put your friggin' foot down. I can only assume you have to get off your bike and sully your sneaks on terra firma eventually. Use stoplights as an opportunity to practice.

Do not misunderstand me... if I'm riding through the urban quasi-jungle of Des Moines (slogan: "Our mean streets are real cities' nice streets.") and happen to encounter a conveniently placed signpost, light pole, or other phallic bit of streetscape while stopping, I'll happily reach out and lean on said roadway appendage. But I certainly don't need posts installed specifically for the purpose of leaning. I'll probably end up running into them anyway. 

Back in my mountain biking youth, we used to compete to see who could ride through the gnarliest loops without dabbing. And the rule we applied to trees back then still applies to this glorified pole today: If you're leaning, you're dabbing. No cool points have been salvaged.


Pondero said...

Clever post, Jason, but we all know this can't be real...and it isn't April Fool's day yet.

Jason T. Nunemaker said...

Oh, but it is real, Pondero... that's why I felt compelled to include the link.

I agree, though, this thing is easily as surreal and/or funny as anything posted on 4/1 by the late, great Sheldon Brown.

Steve Fuller said...

I'm going to make a portable one that I can deploy with me when I ride on the Big Dummy.

Jason T. Nunemaker said...

Steve -- I still have my crutches from when I got my titanium femur installed. Strap one of those on the Dummy and you're all set.

Even better idea... have Kathy carry the crutch when she rides on the back of the Dummy and put her in charge of deploying it. :-)

Steve Fuller said...

Oh, I LIKE that second Deployment method, but she has two perfectly good built-in legs that would do the same thing. I might have to suggest that as a ride payment.

Jason T. Nunemaker said...

As long as you don't mention who came up with the idea...