The latest bike (because it's ALWAYS a bike) is a weird one. While floundering about the interwebs, I learned that Walmart sells a cheap fatbike cruiser.
There are so many things wrong with this, I don't even know where to start... but that's never stopped me from trying before:
- It's from Walmart. Let's just say I'm not a fan of Sam's empire and leave it there. It hurt my heart a little just to sprinkle that tiny driblet of link juice on them. (And don't get me started on the whoring of former "real bike" brands into the big-box channels...)
- It's gotta be disposable-cheap. Do the math: Start at two Benjamins, subtract the Walton family's cut, and see what you have left for just a frame, fork, wheels and tires, never mind the rest of the stuff that makes a bike go. Cheap, light, strong? In this case, I'm guessing you only get to pick one.
- It's certainly not a "real" fatbike, intended for off-roading... unless you're seriously retro and just want to downhill with a coaster brake, klunker style. Going back up that hill on a 50-pound singlespeed? Uh, good luck.
And yet, dammit, I keep casting a covetous eye at the devil's "add to cart" button. All rationality aside, the thing just looks freakin' cool. I love fat tires. I love cruisers. A cruiser with REALLY fat tires? I think I just went from Schwinn to schwing.
A couple factors are working against me (and for my marital harmony), however. One, none of the Wally-marts anywhere remotely near me has this monster in stock. If I saw one in person rather than through the series of internet tubes, all hope would be lost. Two, I don't have the aforementioned large garage or bottomless wallet, so there's no physical or fiscal space for a bike that can't earn its keep with a purpose beyond "looking really cool" (shut up, inner monologue... you cannot convince me this would be a good commuter bike).
Now, if some generous benefactor/patron of the bloggerly arts (because really, who wouldn't want the publicity from a no-name blogger with zero fatbike experience and a predisposition to dislike both the bike's brand and its seller?) wanted to send me one to review, I certainly wouldn't turn the big brown truck away. Maybe I can have a seance and get Sam Walton on the horn...