I think cell phone use (whether for chatting or -- heaven forfend -- texting) while driving should be banned. Seriously.
Why? Allow me to illustrate with a little people-watching exercise.
I work in downtown Des Moines, which is connected by a fairly extensive skywalk system. In effect, it's an elevated ant farm for corporate cubicle drones like myself. At about noon every day, several massive companies disgorge their hordes of employees into this network of glorified hallways for lunch, and many of those employees immediately take up their personal cell phones for a chat or a text.
And I've noticed that when people are using their phones for whatever purpose, they are ENTIRELY INCAPABLE OF WALKING IN A STRAIGHT LINE AT A NORMAL SPEED. Watch for yourself sometime. If you're in a large crowd where a lot of people are using phones, chances are you'll get a full-body check (or at least a near miss) from one of these distracted walkers.
Knowing those odds, I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that these same people should NOT operate a half-ton of horsepower while using their phones. The full-body check on foot isn't so bad; heck, if you're paying attention, you can plant your feet and "accidentally" put someone on their tuchus (not that I would do such a thing, of course). But if I'm on the bike and that person is doing S-curves down a straight road in a friggin' Hummer while tapping out OMGs and LOLs, I'm toast.
(Hypocrite alert: I will sometimes answer my phone while riding the bike. You may fling rotten virtual tomatoes at me now.)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Note To The Storm: I'm Sorry! So Knock It Off!
I didn't think much of it the other day when I snarkily commented on the predicted "Storm of the Century" bearing down on us.
Unfortunately, it heard me, and absolutely WALLOPED Des Moines. Something like 15" of snow, 30mph winds with gusts to 50, and now the temps are plummeting, with wind chills predicted to be 15-20 below ZERO (F.) tonight.
At first, we were getting along just fine. It closed my office, so I got to sit inside the new townhouse and watch the nice men shovel out my sidewalks and driveway multiple times (we got our money's worth out of those homeowners' association dues just today, I figure -- the rest of the month is gravy).
BUT THEN IT KILLED MY INTERNET CONNECTION. Aw, c'mon! Trap me in my house and block off the series of tubes so I can't feed my biggest addiction other than coffee? (Luckily, we had plenty of that.) Cruel and unusual.
My interweb access is back again (obviously), so I'm grudgingly making nice with the storm again. But storm, if you're listening, you could go a long way toward appeasing me if you'd just close my office for one more day. Deal?
Unfortunately, it heard me, and absolutely WALLOPED Des Moines. Something like 15" of snow, 30mph winds with gusts to 50, and now the temps are plummeting, with wind chills predicted to be 15-20 below ZERO (F.) tonight.
At first, we were getting along just fine. It closed my office, so I got to sit inside the new townhouse and watch the nice men shovel out my sidewalks and driveway multiple times (we got our money's worth out of those homeowners' association dues just today, I figure -- the rest of the month is gravy).
BUT THEN IT KILLED MY INTERNET CONNECTION. Aw, c'mon! Trap me in my house and block off the series of tubes so I can't feed my biggest addiction other than coffee? (Luckily, we had plenty of that.) Cruel and unusual.
My interweb access is back again (obviously), so I'm grudgingly making nice with the storm again. But storm, if you're listening, you could go a long way toward appeasing me if you'd just close my office for one more day. Deal?
Monday, December 7, 2009
Give Me A Lever...
... and I shall SMITE the evil Sun rim/Nokian studded tire monster!
I can't find this thing on Amazon, or else I'd link to it in one of those "you buy it, I get a kickback" deals. But I'm so insanely impressed by my impulse-purchased Bontrager tire levers, I don't care. And besides, how many tire levers would Amazon have to sell (at a whopping four bucks a pair) in order for me to get that extra kidney I've been wanting, anyway?
You'd think it would be hard to screw up a tire lever, but so many companies have. This one has a nice shape in the hand, a slender tip that can get into the most spelunker-proof rim/tire bead crevices, and -- most importantly -- it's made out of some wacky space-age plastic that finally lives up to the promise of The Graduate. Specifically, I can honk on this thing with all my noodle-armed might and (so far, knock on wood), it DOES NOT BREAK. My Nokians are installed (ready for the impending Storm of the Century that has all the local meteorological-folk running around like chickens with their heads cut off) thanks to these little buggers.
I like these so much, I'm holding back my usual person-turned-Trek-brand snark... at least for now. Thank you, oh thank you, whatever Trek product manager slapped Keith's logo on these levers and shipped them off to Trek-marts the world over.
Bring on the snow!
I can't find this thing on Amazon, or else I'd link to it in one of those "you buy it, I get a kickback" deals. But I'm so insanely impressed by my impulse-purchased Bontrager tire levers, I don't care. And besides, how many tire levers would Amazon have to sell (at a whopping four bucks a pair) in order for me to get that extra kidney I've been wanting, anyway?
You'd think it would be hard to screw up a tire lever, but so many companies have. This one has a nice shape in the hand, a slender tip that can get into the most spelunker-proof rim/tire bead crevices, and -- most importantly -- it's made out of some wacky space-age plastic that finally lives up to the promise of The Graduate. Specifically, I can honk on this thing with all my noodle-armed might and (so far, knock on wood), it DOES NOT BREAK. My Nokians are installed (ready for the impending Storm of the Century that has all the local meteorological-folk running around like chickens with their heads cut off) thanks to these little buggers.
I like these so much, I'm holding back my usual person-turned-Trek-brand snark... at least for now. Thank you, oh thank you, whatever Trek product manager slapped Keith's logo on these levers and shipped them off to Trek-marts the world over.
Bring on the snow!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Takin' It To The Feet
A couple posts ago, I lamented the fact that my new short commute will probably make me fat(ter). This is a pretty real (and surprisingly un-funnyish) fear for me. I just turned 37. My dad had his first heart attack at 44. His third (that ended his life) was ten years later. On my mom's side, I lost my too-young grandfather this year to a heart condition he never saw coming. One day, he was seemingly healthy, and less than a week later, he died on the operating table during major bypass surgery.
Heavy stuff, I know. But it's what I live with. So when I start falling into bad patterns, eating garbage, exercising less, and straining my belt, I get nervous. So nervous, in fact, that I actually attempted running last weekend. Regular readers will know that running ranks somewhere near root canals on my list of activities to avoid. Luckily, my new abode is near a cemetery so I had a place to abuse myself where no passerby could mistake my stride for a seizure. Plus, it was a handy (or perhaps heavy-handed) mortality reminder to boot. But after one miserable half hour of jogging-cum-walking-cum-limping-cum-staggering, I remembered why I stopped running many, many years ago. It was perhaps one of the most pathetic displays of attempted athleticism ever committed on pavement.
As I waited for the shin splints to subside, it dawned on me: One mile to work is a lame bike ride, but it's a nice little walk. Do that round trip every day, and maybe I could stave off fatness without the masochism of running. So I've spent all this week going to work slowly on foot, and I think I'm a little hooked. Some reasons why:
THE SCENERY: Okay, downtown Des Moines ain't the Grand Canyon. But in the same way that I notice things on the bike that would go by too fast in the car, I notice things on foot that I just wouldn't pick up from the saddle. F'rinstance, I get to pass through a world-class sculpture park twice a day -- one that's closed to bikes and skateboards (determine for yourself if that's The Man keepin' me down). I also get to pass by the copper-walled, green-roofed Central Library and the historic Temple for Performing Arts. Local businesses, amazing landscaping (it helps to have Meredith Corporation -- publishers of Better Homes & Gardens -- between home and work), great architecture, subtle changes in weather, you name it. Sure, all of this is available to me on wheels, but the speed of riding and the focus it requires keeps me from paying enough attention. Plus, I can walk against the one-way streets, opening up dozens of new ways to approach downtown and dozens of new angles to view it.
THE TUNES: I have an unhealthy attachment to my iPod. There, I admitted it. But it scares me silly to close off my ears when I'm on the bike. I'll throw it in the handlebar bag when I know I'm going to be out on a long, isolated slog in need of inspiration, but most days, I ride without music. On foot, I have no qualms about turning it up to 11. Today, I was laughing myself extra-silly to the newest Flight of the Conchords album -- highly recommended.
THE CONVENIENCE: As easy as it is to lock up a bike, and as much as I want to think of myself as the Urban Super Bike Transportation Guy, I know darn well that I'm just a tiny bit hesitant to make stops on my way to/from work because I'll have to lock up. On foot, you just pop in wherever you decide you want to go, no parking required. Coffeehouses, restaurants, bars, odd little local shops, the market across the street from home, and even weird corners of the human ant farm that is the Des Moines Skywalk system -- nothing is off limits. If Carla wants to meet me downtown for dinner or a drink or a movie after work, I don't have to think about getting the bike home, because it's already home.
Downsides? Well, sure. For one, a 10-minute ride is a 20- to 25-minute walk depending on how many of those stops I make... and while I can tolerate just about any weather conditions for 10 minutes, a brisk Midwestern winter breeze gets old around minute 15. Also, let's call it like it is -- walking is what retirees do around the mall. There's just nothing cool about it, no way to pretend you're being EXTREME. Maybe it just needs rebranding, though. Urban hiking? Low-impact Parkour? I'm accepting submissions.
Don't worry, gentle reader(s). This is not going to become a walking blog, debating the minutiae of heel strike and stride length. I'm only really interested in the cocktail-party-yawn-inducing details of bikes, which I'll be thinking about during my daily walks.
Heavy stuff, I know. But it's what I live with. So when I start falling into bad patterns, eating garbage, exercising less, and straining my belt, I get nervous. So nervous, in fact, that I actually attempted running last weekend. Regular readers will know that running ranks somewhere near root canals on my list of activities to avoid. Luckily, my new abode is near a cemetery so I had a place to abuse myself where no passerby could mistake my stride for a seizure. Plus, it was a handy (or perhaps heavy-handed) mortality reminder to boot. But after one miserable half hour of jogging-cum-walking-cum-limping-cum-staggering, I remembered why I stopped running many, many years ago. It was perhaps one of the most pathetic displays of attempted athleticism ever committed on pavement.
As I waited for the shin splints to subside, it dawned on me: One mile to work is a lame bike ride, but it's a nice little walk. Do that round trip every day, and maybe I could stave off fatness without the masochism of running. So I've spent all this week going to work slowly on foot, and I think I'm a little hooked. Some reasons why:
THE SCENERY: Okay, downtown Des Moines ain't the Grand Canyon. But in the same way that I notice things on the bike that would go by too fast in the car, I notice things on foot that I just wouldn't pick up from the saddle. F'rinstance, I get to pass through a world-class sculpture park twice a day -- one that's closed to bikes and skateboards (determine for yourself if that's The Man keepin' me down). I also get to pass by the copper-walled, green-roofed Central Library and the historic Temple for Performing Arts. Local businesses, amazing landscaping (it helps to have Meredith Corporation -- publishers of Better Homes & Gardens -- between home and work), great architecture, subtle changes in weather, you name it. Sure, all of this is available to me on wheels, but the speed of riding and the focus it requires keeps me from paying enough attention. Plus, I can walk against the one-way streets, opening up dozens of new ways to approach downtown and dozens of new angles to view it.
THE TUNES: I have an unhealthy attachment to my iPod. There, I admitted it. But it scares me silly to close off my ears when I'm on the bike. I'll throw it in the handlebar bag when I know I'm going to be out on a long, isolated slog in need of inspiration, but most days, I ride without music. On foot, I have no qualms about turning it up to 11. Today, I was laughing myself extra-silly to the newest Flight of the Conchords album -- highly recommended.
THE CONVENIENCE: As easy as it is to lock up a bike, and as much as I want to think of myself as the Urban Super Bike Transportation Guy, I know darn well that I'm just a tiny bit hesitant to make stops on my way to/from work because I'll have to lock up. On foot, you just pop in wherever you decide you want to go, no parking required. Coffeehouses, restaurants, bars, odd little local shops, the market across the street from home, and even weird corners of the human ant farm that is the Des Moines Skywalk system -- nothing is off limits. If Carla wants to meet me downtown for dinner or a drink or a movie after work, I don't have to think about getting the bike home, because it's already home.
Downsides? Well, sure. For one, a 10-minute ride is a 20- to 25-minute walk depending on how many of those stops I make... and while I can tolerate just about any weather conditions for 10 minutes, a brisk Midwestern winter breeze gets old around minute 15. Also, let's call it like it is -- walking is what retirees do around the mall. There's just nothing cool about it, no way to pretend you're being EXTREME. Maybe it just needs rebranding, though. Urban hiking? Low-impact Parkour? I'm accepting submissions.
Don't worry, gentle reader(s). This is not going to become a walking blog, debating the minutiae of heel strike and stride length. I'm only really interested in the cocktail-party-yawn-inducing details of bikes, which I'll be thinking about during my daily walks.
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