Stupid Is As Stupid Does

If you're bored with my bottom bracket incompetence, surf away before it's too late!

If, however, you take great joy in the misfortunes of others, have I got a post for you.

So I'd had issues with a cross-threaded BB cup (that I now know I can blame on Former Neighbor Steve for polluting my garage with his bad cross-threading juju), but I'd stolen a cup from another bike that (I thought) was compatible and (I thought) fixed the problem. Did a few rides on the bike, including a fast (for me) out-and-back 26-miler to Cumming, IA Thursday night. No creaks, no rattles, smooth spinning.

Then I saddled up for my commute home yesterday. Got about five blocks from work when things started feeling wrong. Pedals were wobbly underfoot, and each turn of the cranks made this awful grinding sound. Oh crap.

Stopped, assessed the situation, and realized that either a) the cup I thought was compatible actually wasn't, or b) I was too timid after the cross-threading adventure and didn't torque the cup down hard enough. Said cup had backed its way out of the frame far enough to let the cartridge BB rattle around (causing the wobbly feeling) and grind the chainring into the shiny, formerly-pristine metallic brown repaint on my right chainstay (thus the awful sound).

No way I can fix that by the side of the road, and no way I can ride it home. And my cell phone barely has enough juice to make one call.

In the words of the poet Homer, "DOH!"

I managed to get a quick "myphoneisdyingpleasecomepickmeupatthecornerofsecondandMLK" call to my wife and get rescued, but it was NOT how I'd hoped my day would end.

Today, I put in a different cup and torqued that sucker to "gorilla." We'll see if that does the trick.

This Little Piggy

I broke a toe this weekend, thanks to a combination of a) excessive clumsiness, b) an ill-placed box in a dark bedroom, and c) a late night trip to the bathroom. Kicked that sucker like it was a 60-yard field goal attempt to win the game as time expired. Ugh.

It's not a terribly crucial toe, mind you. Just a pinky toe. The one that (according to legend) cries "wee wee wee" all the way home. So it's now taped to the piggy that had no roast beef in a kind of toe "buddy system" while it heals up.

On the bright side: I can still ride the bike. Chalk it up as another benefit of flat BMX pedals and non-bike-specific riding shoes. I just grabbed my Teva sandals, loosened one strap to take pressure off the sore spot, and pedaled off with all piggies (injured and otherwise) free in the breeze.

Thank goodness it's Spring. I may be a touring nerd, but even I have trouble crossing that line to sandals with socks. It's a slippery slope to wearing your glasses-mounted rearview mirror into the coffeehouse.

Happy Bionic Birthday To Me

I was doped on morphine and Valium at the time, but this is how I like to imagine the conversation among my doctors exactly two years ago today:

Jason Nunemaker. Bicyclist. A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology.
We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man.
Jason Nunemaker will be that man.
We can make him better than he was before.
Better.
Stronger.
Faster.

(Cue iconic trumpet theme here.)

Okay, so I'm not stronger or faster... but when I ride, it does sound like this.

Attack of the Bad Back

Not fair. Didn't I get enough "Jason as an old man" reality checking when I broke my leg?

I'm recliner-bound right now, basking in the warm glow of a heating pad as the wonky disc in my lower back sends lovely knife-like pains into my legs. Had a GREAT ride on Saturday morning before the winds picked up, then proceeded to cripple myself inexplicably during the post-ride cleanup. Smooth.

The fact that I made it to the recliner at all is a good sign, since I was so pathetic yesterday that I couldn't even put on my own pants. Just one more thing for my wife to put in the bulging file of "things they don't tell you about when they lay that 'for better or worse' line on you."

Thankfully, my local Angel of Chiropractic Care has a cancellation in about one hour, so I should be right as rain before end of day.